DM: When he introduced me to his wife, he said: "This is Dave Mustaine, he is Megadeth."
"No, I'm not, there's four of us."
"Bullshit", replied Tyler, "You're Megadeth, and I'm Aerosmith."
That's when I knew it for sure. Steven Tyler is an asshole.

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"Some journalists can be venomous, but fortunately I can get away with talking the piss out of them at the same time. You see, your mind is a lethal wepon. And I just happen to be armed with warheads!"

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"Listen, I have no clue who you are, but we both know who I am, so shut the fuck up and listen to my music!"

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"GOOD FUCKING EVENING!"

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"I leave messages up to Western Union to deliver."
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"I look out in the crowd in front of Junior (David Ellefson) and that's where all the girls are, and then I look out in front of me and that's where the maniacs are."

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"Osama Bin Laden is a fucking cunt. Imagine what it would be like to be him and wake up outside his little tent or cave and see an army getting ready to beat his ass."

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"The anger that propelled me in the beginning wasn't anger, it was hunger. We were fucking starving to death and we had to live with fat chicks to feed ourselves. The reason why you live with fat chicks is because they eat."

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I went up, shook his hand and said, "Dave, you rule and made me want to play. And Metallica sucks!"
Dave replied, "Well hey, they payed for part of my house. Well, the bathrooms anyway."
Then my brother who was right behind me walks up in a Metallica t-shirt and gets his stuff signed and shakes hands. Finally my dad says, "Yeah you really inspired my son and he kicks ass, and thanks for doing that."
And so Dave says, "No problem, which one is he?"
My dad points me out and Dave goes, "Hey, glad I could help. Who's the idiot with him in the Metallica shirt?"
My dad says, "That's his brother."
Dave responds, "Oh, so you must be the drummer."

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(During a 1987 Albany, NY show, Mustaine was talking about the tour when he noticed some guy giving a security guy some verbal harassment)

 

"Hey. You. Asshole. C'mere. Why don't you show us how big your dick is if you think you can fuck with my security boy. I'll personally kick your ass. I'll shove my guitar so far up your ass I'll be tuning it in your mouth. C'mon, asshole, you wanna die? You don't fuck with these people's show, or you'll die."

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Dave: No, but I trashed Dave Ellefson's room once. I came in drunk and tried to flush the toilet with my foot, slipped and broke the toilet, spewing water all over David's room."

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"The next person you see throwing something onstage, hit him. If he's too big, throw him up here, and I'll hit him!"

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(During the London show on the Cryptic writings tour, Dave went on a rant about the state of metal and its media coverage)

 

"I was sitting in my hotel room, with a copy of your rock magazine (Kerrang) and I didn't know whether to read it...or wipe my ass with it!"

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"You have got to be fucking kidding me! Who threw this?"
He looks at the tag and says, "40 double d's!" and the whole crowd cheers.
"Was it you? This guy is looking at me, fucking homo."
Then he looks at another guy and says, "This is more woman than you could ever handle."

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In Poughkeepsie there was no rail, so we were all with our arms on the stage and this kid tried to grab Dave's foot, then the set list, so Dave looked at him and said, "Want to die tonight?"

 

 

"...Because there is a feeling you get with the whole wall of sound and everybody is fired up, it's like getting these racehorses put into the gates. When the gate opens, they're ready to roll, and when we get on stage, we're ready to roll. Although I hate using horse metaphors, because my wife likes horses and I think they're evil."

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DM: "...I would rather have my testicles eaten by Hannibal Lechter than tour with them again."

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"I think that Brittany has blown more things than the gearbox on her Ferrari lately and Christina is living proof that you can polish a turd."

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"I'm an elder statesman. I'm no longer the voice of the youth of American. I can say 'Fuck you, let's see if you're here in eighteen years, baby.'"

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"I think that guitarist from Queensryche looks a hell of a lot like Jamie Lee Curtis."

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(In 1989)

 

"I knew that if it ever came down to one of us running for president, we'd get a hell of a lot of votes."

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(On soloing)

 

"The solo doesn't mean anything if there's not a song to go around it."

 

"People ask me if I like Yngwie, and I say, 'No, I like David Gilmour, he hardly ever plays a note.'"

 

"I don't put a little notch on the back of my guitar, stick my helmet up against it and solo 'til I orgasm."

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(On Kirk Hammett)

 

"I guess I don't have a problem with him. I mean, if I saw him drowning, I'd pull him out...after he went under a couple times."

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"The band's name means the act of dying, but, like, really mega."

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"Being on the road hasn't tarnished our viewpoints toward women. If anything, it's made us better in bed."

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(From "Shooting from the hip" interview in Metal Hammer)

 

 

DM: "I purposely tried not to get too caught up in all the controversy surrounding him and the war against/for him. To me, the bottom line is, I don't like the music. It doesn't really matter what his image is. I mean, my godfather is Alice Cooper and he did all that stuff before this guy was even born. Do I have any views on the satanic aspect? I think it's a little silly, having done witchcraft and black magic, read the Satanic bible, been into the upside down crosses, Anton LeVey, Venom shirts and shit like that. But whatever makes your boat float. Some guys like doggy style, some guys like missionary, some guys like other guys... "

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(From a Rust In Peace interview)

"Someone said to me that people were disappointed with the synchronized headbanging and the shirts coming off at the same time. The few times that I do that, I just look down at my guitar, and Junior runs up and wants to headbang with me because we're pals. Sometimes it looks a bit hokey, I'll admit. The day before I heard this, I said to the band, We've got to stop doing this Judas Priest stuff or we're going to end up looking like Warrant. "

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DM: "The first time I came to England I couldn't work out the light switches. The first time I drank Strongbow cider it knocked my dick in the dirt, and I couldn't find the toilet. So I lifted the lid on something that felt like a toilet and pissed into it. The next day I discovered it was David Ellefson's suitcase!"

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Q: Whats the weirdest venue youve ever played?

"Right in front of the stage in Tulsa, Oklahoma, there was a huge pond. The audience got so worked up that they leapt in, and I remember thinking, you don't know if that's backflash from an outhouse. One particular girl had obviously just got herself a new set of tits and kept on showing them to me, and that was one of the few times I wish I'd been Moses - I'd have parted that pond!"

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"Our last album [Countdown to Extinction] was just about as perfect as it could get, but when I noticed that I was washing the hairs on my balls one at a time, I realized that maybe I was being a touch too anal."

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Q: Who's your favorite Spice Girl?

 

DM: The red-headed one, 'cause they show her tits already. I used to like the black girl, but I've never been out with a black girl, so I don't know what that would be like. Nick and I were talking about that; he said the blonde one, and I said no, 'cause I saw a picture of her in a magazine and she was as big as a house! Everybody talks shit about them not playing live, but when it came to them lifting their skirts, you'd be first in line!

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"I see who you are with the laser you little dickhead. Oh, I'm just so cool. ohohohohoh. Yeah I saved all my allowance from mommy to go and buy a laser so I can shine it at Dave. I bet you're probably still a virgin, aren't you peckerwood. How 'bout you be cool so the people around you won't beat your fucking brains in and let me play guitar okay? Thank you. DUH! See, when I'm up here and I got the fucking microphone I can say what ever I want to. Okay."

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"Coming home off the road can be hard. The hardest part is that when I'm in a hotel - and any guy who tells you that he doesn't do this is a fucking liar - but when I'm in a hotel room I spit on the floor. My wife walloped me when I sat up in bed once and spat on the floor. She was like: 'You spat on the floor!' And I'm like: 'Oh my God, I'm so sorry!'"

 

"I remember one time, I hung my cock over the side of the bed - not that it's a hose that I can do that with - but I did that and peed on the floor. My wife thought I was smoking crack, because the pipe crackles like the pee hitting the floor. She woke up to yell at me for smoking crack, and I was just pissing on the floor."

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"Those are the ugliest fucking tits I have ever seen."
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"They put roses on his piano when he wanted two lips [tulips] on his organ."

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"It's like making love to a gorilla. You don't stop until the gorilla's done."

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"It was like having your butt hairs pulled out very slowly."

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DM: "...Glam Rock means Gay L.A. Music."

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"He was just not dangerous, you know. If you're going to be in Metallica and you're four bad-asses, not, you know, three men and a baby."

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"I'm over it now, and I can see how hard he tries to do what he does. I mean I think he makes good use of what talent he has."

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"When you've been selling records for 20 years and you've sold millions of records and you're a legend and you've created something as big as an entire guitar playing style, which is quite an undertaking, then come and tell me how to do my job."

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"I was playing music to get free drinks and free women, and it worked."

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"'Trust me' in the music industry is music speak for 'You're getting fucked.'"

 

 

 

"No matter how beautiful a girl is, she still shits."

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"Why are you flipping me off? What, are you just pissed off that I won't fuck you, you ugly flat chested piece of shit?"

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"We're gonna play something off of our new album, and I really hope you like it, 'cause if not...we're gonna make you sit over there with them.

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"...and I also have to mention that there isn't supposed to be any smoking in here, so you guys up front better put away the doobie."

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"...and I gotta tell you we spent the better part of the day driving up here to play for you and this is what we get? *snores* Boring."

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(Woodstock '99 before playing Crush 'Em)

"Yeah. Nice shot. You throw as good as your mother SUCKS."

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SR: Dave, "Almost Honest" gave me a laugh. Man, you can't be almost honest.

 

DM: Yeah, it's like you can't be kind of pregnant.

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"There's something lost in the translation here. There's just something about being in a sweaty environment and some guy peeing on the back of your leg that makes a festival really vibe."

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"I can see that it might be hard for other people who think they're too big to do shit like that. It isn't out of context for us. We'd play at a gas station if we could."

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"People don't like the fact that I smile today. But if you stand on your head, I'll still be frowning, so 'fuck you'."

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Q: Occupation if you weren't a musician?

 

DM: "A drummer."