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There exists a mysterious creature within my dorm room that has made itself a home on the floor. As a result of
months of study, we have concluded that with the fluctuations in size, consistancy, and substance that it was, in fact,
a living creature. So far, no contact has been made with the Pyle. Still, we will record all changes in growth,
dimension, density, and content. Updates will be made each day along with a title based upon the title of a movie or television
show. Why? Because we can.
Here is a diagram of the Pyle's home. The boundaries are created with the bed to the left side, the desk leg
to the upper right, and the center of the room towards the bottom right. The star indicates the point of origin,
and the box indicates the bounds of the Pyle's home.
Length: 50'' / Width: 29'' / Diagonal: 57''
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Pyle Documentation
Pyle 01-10
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The Silence of the Pyles
Day 11: (3/29/03)
Observation: The Pyle has remained quite dormant ever since the visitors left. However,
upon closer inspection of the room, it appears that the Pyle has 'split' itself up into at least 3 separate Pyles, also
known as Pyle-spawns. One is located across the room in a corner near the closet and one is outside in the short hallway strewn
out in a long line. At first I didn't know why the Pyle hadn't regained its original mass, but now it's clear. My observations
will now include these 2 new Pyle-spawns and any movement, communication, or transferrence of mass between the three.
Raiders of the Lost Pyle
Day 12: (3/30/03)
Observation: So far, not much activity or movement from the three Pyles that I have under
observation, but something startling came up recently. Literally. As I was sitting here quietly in front of my desk reading
a book and eating a salad...ok, ok, so as I was playing a first-person-shooter on my laptop as I was eating a poptart, I was
enjoying the relative peace and quiet that had visited our dorm room. About an hour after anyone else had entered the room,
the closet to the left of me suddenly came open! After I emerged from underneath the desk, I inspected the contents of the
closet to find out that the Pyle had in fact moved itself into the closet! The three other Pyles around the room are actually
the bits and pieces left by the Pyle as it moved itself across the room. Now, the three smaller Pyles have become their
own separate entities with the Pyle in the closet as the "parent" entity. This is quite an interesting development in the
life cycle of the Pyle. More observations will be needed in the future.
Pyle: Impossible
Day 13: (3/31/03)
Observation: Now that there are at least four separate Pyles to observe, it's been very difficult
for me to monitor the progress of each Pyle separately. And so, as a supplementary experiment/observation/attempt-to-take-back-the-room,
I am attempting to 'coerce' the Pyle into moving itself and its newly created family back to its designated home. This helps
centralize the Pyle so that it can be watched in case it does become a threat to those around us. I am trying various types
of 'bait', including air fresheners, soaps, and disinfectants, although it seems to react violently to these things. In the
future, I'll try other things such as stale food, month old socks, dirty clothing, empty pizza boxes and
crumpled paper, but where could I possibly find such things at college?
P*Y*L*E
Day 14 (Final Entry): (4/01/03)
Observation: Today, of all days, I complete my documentation of the entity known as 'Pyle of Crappe'
or simply 'Pyle' for short. It has been quite a remarkable two weeks, but on this day it all comes to an end. Since pictures
speak louder than words, I'll just sit here silently screaming "Hell yeah! You were just owned, bitch!"
Conclusion: There is an important lesson to be learned from all of this. If you are ever living
in a college dorm room with other people and they insist that it's OK to leave their stuff sitting on the floor, please let
them know of what they may unwittingly create. While this site only documents a relatively docile and recently created Pyle,
there may be other more mature and fully developed Pyles that have eaten their creators and assumed their identities by attending
classes and taking various odd jobs to feed its appetite for dirty clothing, bits of food, and various unidentifiable matter.
For your own safety, please direct anyone who has come into contact with a Pyle or Pyle-spawn to my website for
further information on this creature.
There are several methods to 'dealing' with the Pyle, should it become a menace and begin to consume all visible
floor space. First of all, the Pyle lives on the floor. Before the Pyle spreads any further, you must establish a perimeter
around the Pyle so that if it goes outside its boundary, physical force may be employed to push the Pyle back into its
designated area (i.e. kick the crappe out of it). Second, do not feed the Pyle. This might be easier said than done, especially
if its creator does not willingly stop feeding it. There are very few things that can be done if its creator is unwilling
to stop. You can attempt to reason with said person and put some sense into their head, or you can take matters into your
own hands and contain or eliminate the Pyle on your own. In the case of the April 1st update, we had strewn the Pyle's guts
all across the ceiling. Your method may differ, depending on if you have a furnace at your college/university or not. Use
whatever suitable method you come up with, but be warned. The smell and consistancy of the Pyle act as a natural defense to
outside attack, so use disinfectant spray and gloves at your discretion. Or just pour gas on the fucker and have a Pyle-flambe.
For your amusement, here are the remaining Pyle update titles that weren't used. Any new titles that come up will
be added to the top of the list.
Episode 1: The Phantom Pyle
or
Episode 1: The Pyle Menace
Episode 2: Attack of the Pyle
Episode
5: The Pyle Strikes Back
Full Metal Pyle
Tears of the Pyle
Apocalypse Pyle
Pyle: Resurrection
Requiem for a
Pyle
Schindler's Pyle
Pyle Fiction
Pyle Harbor
Pyle on the River Kwai
Monty Python and the Holy Pyle
2003:
A Pyle Odyssey
Reservoir Pyles
The Pyle Sense
Boondock Pyles
A Pyle Runs Through It
Lord of the Pyles: The
Two Pyles
P.T.: The Pyle Terrestrial
Jurrasic Pyle
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